Mass Density

Carolyn shares her experience on the 7 day Spiritual Intensive she took with me to Teotihuacan Mexico.   She discovers what it is like to shed fear based self judgments from her childhood and embrace the experience of unconditional love.  It’s no longer an intellectual idea that she reads about in books. It is a tangible way of living life that is now a very real possibility for her life.

pod35-Spiritual Journey Interview (29 min)

She discovered that the journey wasn’t about the place, the mythology, or the history.  The important focus of the journey was her and the process for transforming the emotional quality of her life.

You can find out more about these spiritual  journeys and retreats on my events page.

Dear Gary I have a question,

I understand that an agreement can be changed regarding an emotional reaction.  But, people do move to California for better weather, or move away from Los Angeles to get away from traffic, or in your case, you said that there are people you just don’t want to have lunch with anymore.  To me, these are preferences.  I’m not sure how you would distinguish a preference from an emotional reaction.  It’s the emotional reaction that causes the preference?

Thank you JJS

Hi, JJS,

Yes circumstances and our preferences for certain circumstances make a difference but there is another factor that we have to consider.  That there are beliefs in our mind that are playing a part as well and that is something we can change.

At the other extreme we can take Nelson Mandela who was unjustly imprisoned for 27 years.  He walks out with no bitterness and no sense of victimization or hate.  He forgives his captors as if he never judged them to begin with.  His emotional state contradicts his circumstances.   So what is really causing his emotional state to be in such a way?  It is not his circumstances.  So what is it?  I propose that it is the interpretations in our mind that we believe in,, or don’t believe in.   If we can find these beliefs in our mind, and change them, then we can change our emotional state without having to change other people, or even our self.

So I have avoided the question.  Where and when are our emotions caused by our beliefs and where and when are they being determined by our circumstances.   The only way to find out is to honestly and ruthlessly challenge the beliefs and see where  our emotions shift.  When they do not, then perhaps we are dealing with a circumstance issue.  But we can not be sure that is the case until we have removed any possible beliefs that are interfering.   In summary, what I am saying is that I can not answer the question for you.  You have to discover it for your self.

Happy Hunting,

Gary

In response to one of the free exercises in the Self Mastery course.

The Inception of an Idea.  The idea that ideas are alive has been around a long time.  Careful observation reveals that  ideas, thoughts, and beliefs behave as if they are alive in the mind.  When ideas grow and link together with other ideas they become big stories and can have multiple points of view and tangents.  Large story ideas intertwined with emotion act more like dreams.  There are daydreams when we are awake, and dreams in our mind when we are asleep.  The key to changing these ideas, stories, dreams, and the emotions they carry is for the dreamer to wake up.

Life of an Idea from Inception. mp3  34 min

Richard Dawkins term for ideas that live like parasites in the mind and have a life of their own is meme.   I suggest watching this video first.

This video from Dan Dennett on Memes and dangerous ideas that direct their host to kill the hosts of other meme’s is worth watching.

Scientist and author Richard Dawkins published “The Selfish Gene” in 1976.    Some background is provided here on this Wikipedia page.

Topics covered in this podcast include, ideas the the mind, how they act as parasites, references to the movie Inception, how ideas spread, have a life of their own, go viral, how our ideas control what we do.  Our mind is a host of ideas.

Daniel Kahneman complicates and clarifies happiness.

One of Daniels positions is that much of our happiness about an experience is from our memory of that experience.  Daniel address that this memory is subjective as it is determined by our story of our experiences.  What he doesn’t point out, and what I think is worth exploring,  is that our stories are changeable.   If our stories are our version of memories, and our memories have emotional happiness related to them, then we can consciously change our story of our past experiences and thereby change how we feel.  We don’t even have to change the facts of our story, but only the interpretation of the experience so that we emphasize different points and have different conclusions.   We can’t change the facts of our experiences but we can change interpretations and stories and in that way we can change how happy we are.

A wonderful TED video on new ways to diagnose correctly.  By looking into what is going on in the brain directly instead of just observing behavior we can diagnose problems such as autism correctly.

The process of overcoming fears, identifying and changing core beliefs, dealing with emotions, meditation, being present with your emotions, and all the other myriad of steps you can take towards living a happy and fulfilling life can be overwhelming.  So sometimes it helps to take a step back and have a sense of humor about the process.

The Most Important Thing You Can Do For Your Happiness mp3 (38min)

For details on how you can take practical steps towards some of these most important things you can do the exercises in the Self Mastery Audio Program on my site.  The first few sessions are available free for you to sample.

What’s possible in the realm of happiness and quieting your mind?

I come across many people that assume the level of mastery they have over their emotions and beliefs is the limit of what is possible.

If a person gets angry and says, “That’s just the way I am,” they assume everyone else will react the same way.

If a person has an emotional reaction and they are able to shift their point of view later and dissolve the emotion.   Then they think that’s normal and all that can be done.    The idea of a person NOT reacting at all isn’t real.  Just fiction.  “Nobody can do that.  They are just repressing their emotions.”

For the person who has lots of ongoing chatter in their mind (the Spanish word is mitote) they dismiss the possibility of anybody having a quiet mind. They haven’t experienced it in their mind, they haven’t imagined it, and so it isn’t possible.  The basic assumption is that what goes on in our mind is what goes on in everyone’s mind.

If you haven’t accomplished quieting your mind or being calm with your emotions during life’s challenges then it is difficult to imagine doing it.  After all,,, that’s where it takes place,,, in the imagination.

There’s even a bit of self importance that resists the idea that more could be done than what you are doing.   There’s probably going to be an emotionally painful self judgment if you really admit that others have developed these skills and you haven’t yet.  So in order to avoid this painful self judgment that might ensue,,,, we avoid imagining what is possible in terms of peace and quiet in our mind and happiness in our relationships.

Our mind through its resistance literally dismisses the possibility of a happier and more enjoyable emotional state before we even consider it is possible.

That’s a pretty limiting assumption behind that fear based belief.

It’s odd because we can imagine someone making a hole in one in golf or a half court shot in basketball because we might have seen it done.  But you can’t see into another person’s emotional state or hear the quietness of their mind very well.  You can only imagine it with your own mind and experience your own emotions.  This is very limiting perception.   To go further you are going to have to perceive beyond what your current beliefs tell you.

For exercises and practices in expanding your awareness and eliminating fear based core beliefs do the exercises in the Self Mastery program.

How many times in our process have we had the thought, “I should be further along than I am.”

Really?

To that comment I sometimes like to ask two questions,

One:   “In terms of percentage, how far along should you be?”

Two:     “In terms of percentage, how far along are you?”

The assessment without those questions always seems vague and without validation.  When you ask in terms of something specific like percentage, you can narrow down the answer to between 0 and 100.  That by itself is still a lot of choices, but at least the criteria is more specific.  I think it’s easier to answer when you make it specific.  But even when I make it easier like this  people don’t seem to be able to answer.  They don’t know how far along they are and they don’t know how far along they should be.  Yet somehow they “know”, “I’m not as far along as I should be.”

How do they “know”?   It’s really that they have an image in their mind of themselves as a failure and they believe that the image is them. In short,,, they believe it.  What we believe in our mind is what we “know.”  What can be weird about this is that we can “know” something and it still not be true. What we “know” is that we are not as far along as we should be.  We “know” it only because we believe it, whether it is true or not.  We have no real measurement of our progress, or what reasonable progress should look like, but we accept the conclusion as truth.  The result of accepting this idea as truth is that we feel like a failure.

Because the voice in your head thinks something doesn’t mean it has to be true.  Sometimes the voice in our head can tell us things that aren’t truth. When we believe the lies that it says, we are likely to unnecessarily suffer emotionally.

When we believe the voice in our head is telling us the truth, and we feel like we “know” it.  That sense of knowing can give us a feeling of confidence in what we know.  We feel smart in our knowing, even if what we know isn’t true, and makes us unhappy.

Let’s call that voice in our head that is criticizing us the Judge. Sometimes it tells us the truth.  Sometimes it tells us lies.  Sometimes that judge can be so critical it is berating and abusive.  It can drag us back into emotional suffering with its lies.   Because that voice of the Judge has guided us towards success and away from failure in the past we tend to accept what it says as true.  We unconsciously consider it an advisor.  The voice of the Judge tells us we should be farther along and we assume it is somehow helping us.    That’s not the only thing that is happening.

Sometimes when the internal dialog of the Judge is putting us down we justify that it is helping us.  “It’s giving me a good kick so I’ll work harder,”  is the kind of response we defend the Judge with.  Sometimes we accept this defense at face value.  When we do we believe it and now it feels true.  We “know” it.  Except if we look at little closer the explanation starts to fall apart.

What does “further along” really mean.  Further along towards what?   “Further along” really means happier.  “I’m not as far as long as I should be,” translates to:  “I’m not as happy as I should be.”   What does it take to be happier?  Happier means more love.  Love comes in the form of self acceptance and self respect.

The voice of the Judge rejects us.  It is not accepting and it is not respectful of our own well being and yet we defend this criticism as “motivational help.”  We justify that the harder it is on us the more that it is motivating us.  You’d be surprised how often I get this kind of explanation.  The truth is that the more it criticizes us for not being far enough along, the more we reject our self.  The more we believe this voice in our head, the unhappier we are.   So how could this self rejection that the Judge is doing, which is the opposite of self acceptance and self respect possibly be helping us towards happiness?

It can’t.

It’s kind of like this.  The judge is throwing dirt on you when you are not clean enough.  It says, “Hey, you don’t accept your self enough so take this rejection and you will improve our self.   It’s really becomes ridiculous when you are aware of it.  But that’s part of the trick.  You have to shift your perspective to become aware of it.

So what can you do to help your self?  It starts with awareness.  First you need awareness that what you think, may not be true.  Awareness that you don’t always have to believe what you think.  Then, with a little practice, you learn to scrutinize the internal dialog of the Judge and find out that it’s not always helpful.

A few things to consider.

That voice in your head may have been more helpful in the past, but as we get older it gets out of control.  It spends more time berating us than guiding or helping us.  When it comes to self acceptance, respect, love, and happiness,,, it doesn’t have much experience.  Most of what that voice in your head “knows” is about fear. It is constantly telling you what you have to do and should do to avoid what you fear.  The problem with the information it is giving you is that it is based on what it knows from the past.   It assumes that all future experiences will be like the past ones.  We have a very powerful memory, and it distorts how we see the present moment when we believe the internal dialog in our head.

For insights on how to change this dynamic of falling for the self rejection that goes on in your mind Listen and Practice the exercises in the Self Mastery course.  The first 4 sessions are free. Sign up here. You might also want to check out the free audio about self awareness and changing beliefs.

Interview with Miguel Ruiz about The Fifth Agreement in this mp3 audio podcast.

Don Miguel Ruiz talks about the book, The Fifth Agreement.  It is a follow up and completes the teachings he started in The Four Agreements.  In this interview he talks about how the belief system of the creates a virtual reality, Judgment Day, Human Sacrifices going on today, How we distort Love, Having Respect for Your Self, How to use Doubt to question your beliefs,
Miguel also shares about the development of his son, Don Jose Luis, and his intense passion for the truth that inspired him to write the book together. As well as how they both experienced his heart attack and how we was facing death without fear.

In short the Fifth Agreement is “Be skeptical, but learn to listen.”  However just having this agreement doesn’t serve you as well unless you have the context of why it will lead you towards inner peace and happiness.   In The Fifth Agreement Don Miguel explains the structure of language, and how from language we create symbols in our mind to explain experiences of life with our rational mind.   He calls it knowledge.  Over the years that language of symbols becomes alive in our mind and takes on a life of it’s own until we can not even stop our own thinking.  We end up with a voice in our head that we can not control.  In the process we lose the experience of inner quiet and peace.  When you learn to be skeptical you take your faith out of all those symbols and recover the joy of peace and quiet in your own mind.

A link to Amazon.com where you can purchase a copy of The Fifth Agreement

Some people say FEAR is False Evidence Appearing Real.

That’s a nice acronym.   It’s catchy.   It’s also not true.

Calling it False Evidence is saying that fear is an illusion or a lie.  Lies are made of words.  Fear is an emotion.

We can create fear as a reaction to believing illusions, lies, or false evidence.  But fear is not the illusion or false evidence.  There is the illusion we imagine in our mind, and then there is the emotion we create as a reaction.  Of course we only react with emotion when we believe it to be real.  It’s that believing part that makes the illusion APPEAR real.   You could say that we make the illusion appear real.   In any case, there is the appearance of things, and then there is how we create emotion as a reaction.

We can also create fear as a reaction to something that is a very real.  If you are flying in an airplane and it has an emergency where it is losing altitude you are likely to feel fear.  You don’t have to panic, but fear is probably going to be there.  The evidence isn’t false.  It’s real and the fear is too.   Evidence is not the same as emotion.  Not all fear is from false evidence, and so our catchy phrase about what fear is false at times.

A person can also come to complete acceptance of their mortality and the letting go of their body when they come face to face with death.  In this case there is evidence of something real like the passing of their body, and yet no fear.  Perhaps that is because in that moment there exists no presence of any illusions about death.  There is a only a complete presence and acceptance of a coming experience for their body.  Without making up any beliefs about death there is no fear.

Fear is not False Evidence.  Nor is Fear Evidence Appearing Real.   We can create fear as  a reaction to false evidence or real experience.  Fear is an emotion we create.  It is often created as a reaction to things, but with enough awareness it doesn’t have to be.

They definition of fear is kind of catchy.  The problem with catchy is there’s usually too much distortion in those catchy phrases.  The phrase about Fear being False Evidence Appearing Real is at least pointing our attention to the fact that we may be reacting to an illusion.  On the other hand,,, the catchy phrase itself is also false and misleading testimony about fear.  The result is that, at best, we are dispelling one illusion in our mind while we are creating another.

For other insights, listen to the Free Audio

For a step by step program in identifying and changing core beliefs, listen to the audio in the Self Mastery Course. The first few sessions are free.